Two Old Codgers

How the World strikes us

I expect you lot will already have worked out what your New Year resolutions are going to be.

No doubt very laudable and full of 'Doogooderyness'. Me? I don't care. As my friend William (Not Bill) says:
Jack Late

Eyt all, sup all, pay nowt;
And if ivver tha does owt fer nowt
Allus do it fer thissen.

Translation: 'Hear all, see all, say nothing; Eat all, drink all, pay nothing; And if ever you do anything for nothing – always do it for yourself.

Yes, he's from Yorkshire but I don't hold it against him.

1. I will not swear at inanimate objects.
No longer will I verbally abuse the bread slicer when I set the thickness gauge so that the bread falls apart.

2. When I promise (Hand on heart) to take just one biscuit I will not hide two more in my trouser pocket

3. I really will clean up the back of my computer desk. Cups, toffee wrappers, old instruction books and that twelve month old scrap
of paper with new year resolutions, including one which says I will clean up the back of my computer desk, will go.

4. No more will I mentally blame Doreen for some minor kitchen misdemeanour that is so obviously my fault (Even if it isn't!)

5. Five minute rants about some newspaper headline will be cut down to four and a half minutes.

6. I will stop looking down at my shoes, mentally promising they will be cleaned today knowing full well it will be another couple of months before they see the polishing brush.

7. Chocolates and sweets will not pass my lips (When I have
finished all the boxes we received for Christmas)

8. I will walk Tubby - the whippet twice a day. (You,
yes you, you know I don't own a whippet)

9. No longer will I keep saying "I
know I'm right" when all the evidence indicates I am totally wrong.

10. One resolution I really will keep - I'll burn this *&+^%$--* inanimate object.

I’ve always found the notion of new year resolutions ridiculous; in fact I find the whole ‘Happy New Year’ thing quite tedious. The human desire to reset at yearly intervals shows that everyone is desperately unhappy with the previous one and no amount of ‘Happy New Years' or new year resolutions has ever made the slightest bit of difference when it comes to the next one.

Throughout our lives we all encounter bad or indeed dreadful years, but we muddle through somehow and try to enjoy life as it comes, a day at a time. I don’t want to think about next year as there are too many unknowns and it’s too soon to start thinking about last year. So,
now is the only moment that counts.

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